I wrote this journal entry a little over a year ago as I was thinking about going to Japan for the first time, but as I was reading it tonight, I could see that it reflects a lot of the struggle I am facing today as I prepare to return to Japan this summer. Stepping out onto a foreign mission field is not easy, nor is it comfortable, but that’s not why we go is it? This is a stark, real look into my heart in a time of great struggle. I hope that it is a blessing to all who read it.
“There really is no cost, only the privilege of serving the King of Kings.”
– Dr. Helen Roseveare
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| Sunset over Tokyo |
As this mission conference progresses and Japan looms more clearly on the horizon, the reality of challenges far beyond me become more evident and intimidating.
I spoke last night with a girl who had spent 7 years as an M.K. in Japan. She warned me of the challenges that lie within that island’s borders, and of the darkness there that has snuffed out the heart flames of many an aspiring missionary. She admitted that Japan had left her disillusioned with the mission field, and that after leaving she never wanted to be a missionary again.Today she is engaged and planning on following her fiance’ to the lost of Latin American, but she has no desire to ever return to Japan.
Others I have talked to have spoken of a deep, tangible darkness that pervades the country. Some call it “the missionary graveyard”, because of how many missionaries have died there. Their death was not one brought by a sword or a bullet, but one of soul, hopes, dreams, and passion for reaching the lost.
Most Japanese people get saved outside of their own country and of those that return, only 20% are still holding to their faith and attending church after 3 years of being home.
The threat of this place is dark and foreboding. A desperate fear struggles to clutch at my soul. Their language is so challenging to learn, and many other barriers lie between a young American missionary and the Japanese people. My once optimistic expectations of accomplishing great things in Japan have been replaced by a flurry of dark and challenging details that threaten to steal away my passion for the lost of this forgotten people.
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| Walking through Shibuya |
I wonder what I can do. I question whether I could stand where so many others have faltered and fallen. Am I made of something more than the many who set out before? Where did they falter and fall? What was their bane? A young man such as myself is plagued with so many weaknesses. How can I rise above? Should I go?
But then I remember why I long to go to Japan. I realize why my heart is burdened for them to the loss of every other nation. It is not that they are more lost, for all are equally lost. It is not that they are in need, for everywhere there is need. No, it is much more than that.
The fears and challenges that I face are those that so many others do as well. Many have given up hope on these people. Many have gone and returned, many will never go, and only but a few remain as a light in a darkness as deep as pitch.
And so, I will go. They need to hear the truth. They need to see the Savior’s love. Who will tell them if I do not go? How will they hear if they are not told? 127,000,000 people wandering in darkness without anyone to show them the way. I will go Lord, send me.
“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.“
I must remember that I do not go alone. The greatest perils of this life are not those that can be felt by touch, or seen with the eyes, but those that assail the heart and soul. And yet, God is sufficient for these as well as any other.
“My strength is perfected in weakness.”
I am weak. This is true. I cannot stand in such a dark and foreboding place as this battleground, but it is in my weakness that He is strong. I am not to be able myself. What do I have to offer after all, but Him? I bring this world not a great example to admire, but I come as a messenger telling them of One who is Lord of all, infinite, the Beginning and the End, Savior, Father, and King. It is in my weakness that He is strong.
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| Hanabi in Tokyo |
We have this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellence of the glory may be of God and not of us.”
The depths of the darkness makes the light all the clearer. A great light will go unnoticed amidst the brilliance of the noonday sun, but a single candle may be seen from a great distance in the dead of night. God has called me as a weak vessel to bear His glorious power and truth so that the world may see Him and forget me. How magnificent will be the glorious light of Christ as it shines in the deep darkness of Japan!
Mackeys in Japan 